I Love My Deadite

Today I heard that Blizzard is going to adjust the level gaining process just before the expansion, making it easier to grind levels. This could impact my overall strategy if I continue to focus on grinding, although it might make it easier for me to get even more high level characters so I can decide if there’s one type I like better. Maybe I’ll go focus on making money or something instead.

Sign, but grinding is so much fun. I’ve been playing my undead warrior a LOT lately. She’s really starting to become my favorite. For one thing, she’s more kinetic than the other two because she doesn’t have to ever sit around drinking water and recharging her mana. She just bandages her wounds and charges right back in to smack things with her sword. No healing, no faking death, no do-overs, just toe to toe with the enemy until something dies, frequently me, but most often them.

I don’t feel troubled by the need to come up with a lot of backstory for her as rationale for her murderous ways. She’s a deadite, just like the ones in Army of Darkness! That’s what they do! Shamble into town, try to kill people until slain or chased off. Then they reanimate and come back and do it some more. Why? Because you’re living and they’re not, and that’s all the reason anyone needs when it comes to zombies.

I do have issues with her wardrobe though, and I was going to post some pictures but they’re all on my home computer and I probably should take some new ones of different outfits, but anyway, here’s what’s happening. Being undead, I have flesh rotting off my corpse, thus exposing both patellae, portions of my femur on the left side, and the midsection of my arms.

My gazongas, on the other hand are firm and healthy. So is my belly button and in fact, my whole torso.

I know this because I’m wearing the magical WoW armor that looks like chain mail on male toons and belly shirts and hot pants on female ones.

Now on my blood elf, and even on my troll, I could sort of understand that some might prefer playing a toon dressed like a showgirl to one dressed like an actual warrior in armor. In fact, my BE paladin looks downright adorable in her chainmail shirt with exposed navel, like she just stepped out of a death metal video or something, although Joan of Arc (who is probably one of the main paladin role models from RL history and probably the only female one) no doubt wouldn’t have been caught dead wearing something that immodest.



On my undead lady though, the effect is downright creepy. Why has half my thigh rotted away but not my breasts? Why are they moving when I breathe – I don’t have to breathe that much, because I can stay underwater much longer than the living, so I shouldn’t have heaving bosoms, but I do. Why are several of my arm bones exposed but not my clavicle or ribcage? I mean, look at Vogue, you’ll see clavicles and ribs aplenty, and those models aren’t even undead (at least I hope not). Why do I have to have this perky cornfed torso juxtaposed on my rotting corpse?

And here’s the prize question: why are undead toons looking sexy in the first place? Especially fleshy, curvaceously sexy, when it would probably be more appropriate for them to look like Kate Moss a month or so after a fatal overdose.

I mean, I haven’t played all the races so I have no idea whether Tauren lasses have heaving udders that spill out of their chainmail, although the thought sort of grosses me out.

One of the undead female jokes is “of course they’re real! They’re not MINE, but they’re real!” which sort of implies that the undead females, upon discovering their lack of mortality, immediately commenced graverobbing the non-reanimated corpses to score their hooters, proudly displaying them afterwards in chainmail tank tops. Now I haven’t tried on ALL the chainmail tank tops but I’m wondering if any of them will show scars from the impromptu body part theft. I’m also wondering why this would be a priority for dead flat-chested maidens. Or whether something having to do with breast size determines which corpses get a second lease on unlife, unless perhaps the more stacked deadites went for a size reduction, possibly to reduce the chafing effects of burial shrouds.

And this whole train of thought led me to a bizarre vision of undead women sitting around a graveyard playing body part poker until everybody draws the pair they want to wear. “Hold on there Mildred, is that a 35 B? Let me swap you for this 36 C.”

And most of all I’m wondering who the dude is that greenlighted the current undead female model, and whether his picture is on that sex offenders by zipcode website. Does he really think guys would rather look at a corpse with large healthy gazongas attached to a firm healthy torso with decaying rotting bone-exposed limbs than, say, something more corpse-like? Do guys get off on this imagery? Which guys? Can we tattoo their foreheads to make them more identifiable in public, so moms could grab their childrens’ hands and steer them away if they ran into one of those people at the mall? And what about women? Were there female beta testers noting in the comments section that they didn’t feel the undead body mesh was sexy enough? Was there some point at which a developer was presented with a drawing of a rotting deadite and instructed the artist to make her hotter?

Because, given my choices, I’d really rather have my undead lady showing some rib and clavicle and looking like she wasted away from a combination of laudanum and bad poetry – in proper goth fashion – than sporting a pair of jiggling C cups. And they should really sag more due to the fact that deadites have kind of a permanent slouch. And make them stop bouncing up and down while we breathe. That effect looks strange but not totally unrealistic on the blood elf and the troll, but on the zombie lady it just looks stupid.

Other than that I sort of prefer wearing the skimpy sleazy outfits on my undead rather than on my living toons, because it pokes fun at them. So you guys wanna see some flesh? Cool, how about some femur too! Would you like some tendon and sinew with that? How about some braaaaaaaains?