Of Mummies and Men

Slate has been running an interesting piece on games and gamers this week, and it’s touched on several themes I’ve ranted about so here’s the link.

There’s discussion about narrative versus games (the writers, being writers, are predictably focusing on the narrative and sometimes have derisive things to say about the “sports gamers” who prefer strategy to lore, or the heathens who ignore all those cut scenes and focus on the team play). There’s some riffing on the demographics, the overwhelming white-male-ness of games.

[By the way, white males, I’m aware that some of you read this blog, and that some of you take offense at white-male-bashing, which is sometimes justified and sometimes isn’t. Personally, I like white males about as much as I like any other general category of humanity, and I’m not really interested in vengeance, or in making you go away. I’m just getting tired of you acting like it’s all about you. The rest of us gamers would really prefer it if you would STFU and make some game products that don’t irritate the crap out of the majority of the population, thereby increasing revenue. So would all those downsized people from EA.]

And there’s some talk about “moral” games, which always reminds me of the old Ultima games, where you got niceness points for giving cash to beggars and meanness points for doing mean things, which eventually had an effect on your character once you built up enough morality or lack thereof. I expect this to be discussed even further once KOTOR comes out.

Because the current model of game, for the most part, is predicated on the theory that gamers all want to spend their gaming time seeing life through the eyes of a really awesome charismatic dude who can slaughter all kinds of mobs without any kind of remorse or repercussions or speculation on how this behavior will later affect his life or anything wussy like that, mostly solo, in a simulated world where laws are not only unenforced, you get points for breaking them.

A profile that accurately reflects only a small percentage of the population, and when you add in the idea that this awesome charismatic dude exists in a land where 80% of the population is white and male, the reality gap grows a little steep.

While on the other hand, if you make a game that reflects some diversity, like say, Madden Football, or Sims, or even WoW with its rainbow of skin hues and accents, all kinds of people play it, and your audience is not limited to mainstream journalist types trying to review it while crying about the fact that other players don’t give a rat’s ass about the plotline while longing for games to be as awesome as Mad Men.

Anyway, I mentioned Sims again, and I’m still playing Sims 3. It got patched yesterday, which I thought was interesting because the patch included more background music, and hopefully less crashing-to-desktop. It also included a direct ingame link to the website where you can buy more Sims loot with real dollars. No doubt thought up by the same (empathy-lacking, grandiose, relationship-impaired, “you’re not the boss of me”) asshat who came up with the notion that Sims players all secretly want to be playing Atari Raiders of the Lost Ark. And no doubt that this asshat, who probably charmed his way into the job in the first place, will treat his employers with the same warmth and kindness as is shown in his preferred style of play (loot everything then move on, leave the place a mess, others are only there for your amusement).

But there are some non-asshats working on Sims 3, and you can see their work all over the place, in the detail on the trees waving in the wind, and the restrooms conveniently placed in dungeons, and the snarky merchandise names, and the Egyptian spy base that’s run by three techno-listening ladies, two plump and one skinny, all in headscarves.

And the mummies.

I had heard vague references to “mummy ghosts” and thought the dungeon mummies (which walk around going “mmmm” and assault you unless you know kung fu) were all this game had to offer in the mummy department But no, one of my sims actually became a living mummy. She no longer has to sleep or go to the bathroom, and can stay up all night writing mummy romances instead of sleeping.

(Sims 3 sleeping seems proportionately longer than it did in past sim games. I usually play Sims at high speed; still, the “staring at the house for a minute or two without building or clicking or doing anything while my sim’s sleep bar goes green” part is really annoying, and I’ve been giving sims the “super fast sleep” talent and the deluxe beds as a first priority.)

My mummy got that way from combining a collection of canopic jars with a sarcophagus. I haven’t found a way to cure her mummification, but that’s cool, she’s more interesting as a mummy. This is the girlfriend of my official Indiana Jones sim, by the way. He met her in France, and I wanted to see if he’d get extra visa points from marrying a citizen, but alas, they took away her citizenship instead, and they’re not even legally married. Yeah, I know, he flirts with both men and women, but the French girl was the first sim that actually responded to his advances. He’s cleared all three countries, but I can’t even remember if the asinine quest chain ever came to a conclusion

Then I decided it would be cool to have an even bigger mummy presence in town, so I made a sim called Abdul Al-Hazred (insane, evil, bookworm) whose goal in life is to become a mummy, and start an evil mummy cult. And voila, Sims 3 is interesting again. And Mr. Al-Hazred is an ideal character for running around in foreign countries stealing antiquities; he’s mean and crazy, duh. As soon as he gets mummified he’s going to steal my first mummy away from her fiance, just because he’s a jerk.

And hopefully, this hypothetical EA guy I’m bashing is trying to call his sweetheart right now. But all he gets is voicemail, because she has her phone turned off and is in a hotel room with Tiger Woods, and there’s a “Do Not Disturb” sign hanging from the doorknob.